This is not a typical post - but it has a happy ending, I promise. Today is all about sharing, maybe connecting - but most importantly healing. So here goes vulnerability...
Pregnancy. Mine was not easy. Maybe yours wasn't either, if so, this is for you.
I spent the majority of mine hiding away from social gatherings, crying, vomiting, panicking, and crying some more. I spent so much time doing those things, I knew it wasn't normal. After a lot of research, talking with my amazing friend, Lisa, and a visit with my doctor I was diagnosed with Antepartum Depression & Anxiety.
You might be reading this and thinking: "What? I've never heard of that during pregnancy? Isn't it just hormones? I've only heard of Postpartum". Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of information out there, and honestly it was a bit of an uphill climb getting a diagnosis given pregnancy comes with so many other emotions & hormones. In fact, I was told by several people it was just hormones - that spending the majority of my days crying in the tub, in the corner, in my bed, not socializing, panicking, not preparing for my daughters arrival or being interested in it at all, getting claustrophobic at the thought of anything baby related and spending my days terrified I was going to die in labour - it was all completely normal.
I could not see beyond the day I was in, could not imagine the ways that my life was about to change - because I didn't think I was going to make it out of delivery alive. And it was awful. After talking with multiple people, I started to see a councillor once a week, talked (sobbed) on the phone with the Pacific Post Partum Society sometimes twice a week, and did my best to be present each day and not be too hard on myself.
One of the things I talked with councillors about was having something to focus on, to keep my head up - and I had always loved the idea of doing a maternity boudoir session. So I had booked myself one with my favourite boudoir photographer in Vancouver, Jennifer Williams.
For me, and I know for so many women - boudoir & beauty portraits are healing. They have the power to lift you up and empower yourself to step forward into a better version of you. My session with Jen was one of the most personal, important and healing things I did for myself while I was pregnant. I didn't take a lot of photos of myself while pregnant - but I am so happy that I had these portraits done with Jen. When I look into my little girls face - all I can see is how much I love her - and it pains me to think of how hard carrying her was.
My portraits are a reminder that there can be light in the dark places in life, and that something entirely perfect, and beautiful can be created at the end of even the most difficult times.